Here is a new Agenda for American Greatness that both sides of the politcal aisle can agree upon now that the expensive mid-term elections are over.
Disband the Environmental Protection Agency as its only job
is to inhibit the industrial greatness of our country.
Make unions illegal because those ungrateful people keep
asking for too much, like the antiquated concept of a living wage.
If people took better care of themselves they wouldn’t need insurance.
Increase the Defense Department budget by 50% to address the
ISIS menace here and abroad.
Deport all illegal aliens who are poor or uneducated. The
smart ones can stay if they score better than 1200 on the SATs.
Disband the National Endowment for the Arts because it only
encourages the wrong kind of people.
Limit income tax to only individuals making less than
$125,000 a year and couples $200,000. This will allow the very rich to keep
more of their money so it can trickle down in greater amounts to the 96%.
Increase the number of private prisons and fill them with
potential Ebola patients.
Disband the SEC and allow Wall Street to continue its
charitable campaign to help all Americans fulfill the American Dream.
Disband the FCC . That would also allow advertisers to hawk
their wares for 22 minutes in every half hour of broadcast time. That would
make us all better informed citizens.
Establish Federal Abortion Courts and Federal Abortion
Clinics in every state capital.
Limit anonymous per party spending on negative campaign ads
to $5 billion in local elections and $10 billion in national elections.
Offer tax incentives to corporations that ship their jobs to
countries where people make less than a dollar a day and dream of coming to
Increase the budget of the TSA. So far they have spent 100
billion dollars and haven’t caught anyone trying to blow up a plane, so
obviously they have to work harder and inconvenience more people.
Increase the minimum wage to $10.10/hour. That would make
all Americans rich.
Move the Social Security Administration to Las Vegas and
allow Americans to fund their retirement at their choice of tables--craps,
roulette, or poker. Baccarat is only for the elite among us.
Stop worrying about climate change. If life on Earth becomes
unsustainable we can always form a Congressional committee to study the
Require all voters to show their Homeland Security National
ID Card or be able to show a valid Social Security number tattooed on either
their right or left buttock, depending on party affiliation.