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A Parable

Several years ago I purchased a Domino’s Pizza franchise here in Stamford. Once the store was fully furnished I began hiring the staff. For the manager position I hired a fellow who had no experience running a pizza shop but insisted that he had much success managing other businesses, so I put him on payroll. Not surprisingly, things were a bit shaky the first week of business. One morning, at the end of the second week, I went down to see how things were going and found the store closed. I could see the manager in the back twiddling his thumbs so I banged on the door. When he opened it I asked him why he had the “Closed” sign hanging in the front window. He proudly told me that the employees refused to come to his house and repair the fence between his property and his Mexican neighbors so he fired them and shut the store. When I asked him when he planned to reopen he said he didn’t know; he was waiting for the employees to respect his wishes, so I asked him why I was paying him to watch an empty enterprise. His reply was garbled and made no sense so I asked him to resign, something he refused to do. It was my great personal pleasure to remove him bodily from the building. From the curbside where he lay he threatened to sue me for millions whereupon I went back in the store and turned on the lights.

Here is a new Agenda for American Greatness that both sides of the political aisle can agree upon now that the expensive mid-term elections are over.

Disband the Environmental Protection Agency as its only job is to inhibit the industrial greatness of our country.

Make unions illegal because those ungrateful people keep asking for too much, like the antiquated concept of a living wage.

Rescind Obamacare. If people took better care of themselves they wouldn’t need insurance.

Increase the Defense Department budget by 50% to address the ISIS menace here and abroad.

Deport all illegal aliens who are poor or uneducated. The smart ones can stay if they score better than 1200 on the SATs.

Disband the National Endowment for the Arts because it only encourages the wrong kind of people.

Limit income tax to only individuals making less than $125,000 a year and couples $200,000. This will allow the very rich to keep more of their money so it can trickle down in greater amounts to the 96%.

Increase the number of private prisons and fill them with potential Ebola patients.

Disband the SEC and allow Wall Street to continue its charitable campaign to help all Americans fulfill the American Dream.

Disband the FCC . That would also allow advertisers to hawk their wares for 22 minutes in every half hour of broadcast time. That would make us all better informed citizens.

Establish Federal Abortion Courts and Federal Abortion Clinics in every state capital.

Limit anonymous per party spending on negative campaign ads to $5 billion in local elections and $10 billion in national elections.

Offer tax incentives to corporations that ship their jobs to countries where people make less than a dollar a day and dream of coming to America.

Increase the budget of the TSA. So far they have spent 100 billion dollars and haven’t caught anyone trying to blow up a plane, so obviously they have to work harder and inconvenience more people.

Increase the minimum wage to $10.10/hour. That would make all Americans rich.

Move the Social Security Administration to Las Vegas and allow Americans to fund their retirement at their choice of tables--craps, roulette, or poker. Baccarat is only for the elite among us.

Stop worrying about climate change. If life on Earth becomes unsustainable we can always form a Congressional committee to study the problem.

Require all voters to show their Homeland Security National ID Card or be able to show a valid Social Security number tattooed on either their right or left buttock, depending on party affiliation.